Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Confession Tuesday

It's been almost four weeks since starting my new job. My whole life revolves around a 5pm-1am shift. My weekends are actually Wednesday and Thursday. My commute to work is three hours (bus) and my commute home is an hour (I get a ride home). I resent waking up just before noon, yet I can't seem to wake up any sooner. I leave an additional hour earlier for work because I have a six month probationary period, and there is a strict attendance policy so I can't risk being late.

I have been reading a great deal (upside to riding the bus), but I am too tired, and my head is too hazy to write. I miss my old life though I desperately wanted and needed a new job. Now I have a better job, but my personal life has shifted in an almost inconsolable way. I'm whining, which I hate, but what else is there for me to do?

I keep telling myself, I am going to adjust, and I honestly believes this. I fear folks will forget me (even though I just showed up recently in the blogosphere in the first place and why do I think my new found connections are really going to miss me?) Why am I so attached so quickly?

Because of my new job, I couldn't plan and host our National Women's History Month celebration and I really regret this. Actually, a part of me resents it. Last year was incredible, and I know we could have really done some meaningful, amazing things this year. I'm mourning the lost opportunity.

Anywhoo, I'll have to find other ways to celebrate this month, to inspire young girls and to help me get over my disappointment.


Christine said...

I hear and feel your wistful mood.
You might have been new to blogging, but you became a powerful presence right away. We're all new. I've been at it maybe a year now. I've gone through a few breaks in my output, and I'm sure I'll go through more.

I always check in on your site, no matter what. I think all it takes to come back from a hiatus is to post, read, and comment, letting everyone know you're back.

Your poems will come back. Why not try going back to some American Sentences until you're adjusted to your new schedule? Or keep a small pad and write random thoughts.

Just by managing this blog you're inspiring a lot of people. The dust needs to settle a bit, that's all.

I think you're very brave and stoic for taking a job with an arduous commute and taxing hours. Go easy on yourself! You're very good at finding the positive side. You don't sound at all like you're whining. Not one bit. Just human.

Anonymous said...

i've missed you! i checked in regularly and waited patiently. it's nice to hear your voice, even though you're tired.

looking for the silver lining -- which is (confession) not my strong suit -- all the reading may inspire your writing more than you can measure right now. you may touch someone at the new job who needs you or you may meet someone who changes your life. or maybe this is just something you had to do.

you will figure it out. you will know. and you will know how long you can give it.

and we'll all be here for you. (i get attached quickly, too. it's OK.)

...deb said...

I'm in complete agreement with Christine! 100%.

That is a lot of time on the bus and a long, long day/night. Cut yourself lots of slack for the havoc that is wrecking on your routine(s)...there will come balance and a sense of schedule, even with the "lost time" commuting.

Thank goodness for books. And notebooks.

Your fans (I'm one) and blog-friends (I'm one) will keep checking back. And will keep doing so!

(Keep breathing through all this. Be as good to your body as you can be. It is under stress, too.)

...deb said...

And I agree with Carolee, too. :-)

susan said...

Thank you all. Blogging again does feel like I'm breathing deeply again.

ThomG said...

Glad to have you back. Ease back in, but know that you are read because you have things to say.

January said...

Great advice from Christine. And don't forget that you're reading, which is just as important as writing.

You offically have a longer commute than I do. Can you move closer to where you work?

Whirling Dervish said...

I haven't been by in awhile, but I miss checking in. You are bright spot for me- I'm glad for the blogging connections.

What is it exactly that you do in the middle of the night?