Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Confession Tuesday

The other day, I went to the doctor. I swear I resent the problems women experience with our reproductive system. I’m pissed off about it. My doctor thinks I might have fibroids. I’m pretty sure I do. I vaguely remember an examination years ago but at the time, I wasn’t having serious problems so I did what I typically do, I did nothing. I’m scheduled for an ultrasound in the coming weeks. I realize fibroids don’t have to be an issue, but I confess I think they might really be an issue for me (I’ve been at the doctor’s increasing more often for a variety of issues in the past year), and without going into my medical history deeper, I’ll simply say this current issue has me thinking about my health and mortality- again.

I’ve been reading. My only writing has been short reviews about what I’m reading. I’m participating in a summer reading program at my local library. I’m hoping to win a gift card so I can purchase more books for our library. I also set a goal to read fifty books this year. I hit my goal first week of June. I’m concurrently participating in a book tag challenge at Play Book Tag. I’m on my twelfth book, Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal and while I’m enjoying it, I can’t plow through it as I’d like.

Back to my writing, my fella told me not too long ago that I should write like I talk. I could write pages on the hang-ups I grew up with about how I talk and write and the whole language, culture thing and how as an adult I’ve been privately wrestling with how I write and talk. Instead, I’ll simply say, I been thinking long and hard about what he said and I confess I’m not sure if I can write like I talk and be okay with it. Sounds silly? What does that mean? I’m so accustomed to slightly altering my speech based on place and company that I’m not sure what my authentic voice is. And if I don’t know that, how do I write it? Now, I realize I do have a voice and I recognize patterns and a style to my writing, but how do I do write in my authentic voice consistently? His suggestion has had me in a tailspin about how I see myself as a writer, speaker.

I’m going to think more on what he said. I’m feelin’ a full-blown essay comin' in the future from exploring this so I need to think, jot notes, let it all set a spell and then bring it to the page. In the meantime, thank you all (and you know who you are) for patiently and kindly supporting me. Thinking of you my fellow peers and friends helps me to keep coming back to the keyboard. You help me not ever seriously consider abandoning this writing life.


Anonymous said...

it's great to hear your wheels turning again in regards to writing. i think it's a wonderful idea to experiment with your writing voice. i think all of us have a writing voice that's different from our speaking voice. i'm guessing we all have many voices.

if you want to write from your real speaking voice how about this: get a tape recorder and record some of your conversations or even just you talking to yourself. you could then transcribe them word for word, being sure to capture the pronunciation of certain words. it could be good practice until you can hear it in your head when you write.

i can't wait to read an essay about this. finding a voice is something we all struggle with.

on the health issues: grrr. i tend to resent the complications of girlhood, as well. it makes me feel vulnerable.

holly said...

Voice is certainly a tough one...mine seems ever-changing...but maybe it's all the same...hehe! As far as code-switching, we all do it... we all have many voices, but I like the idea of writing like we talk...I've been experimenting with that some too in my own work...a little past the metaphorical, flowery language, into something a little more raw, maybe???

Ms Jboogie said...

Finding your voice is definitely difficult. Depending upon the genre in which you are writing on a given day, you may assume a different voice. The more I write, the more I notice that I do have a certain type of voice. Some things that help me are: 1) writing in long hand - even if just to get you started. When I'm typing, I feel constrained by my writing's appearance and rules of grammar. Writing in long hand makes me feel less inhibited. 2) Write as if you were telling a story to your friends over dinner - people with whom you drop all pretenses and are just yourself. 3) Review several pieces of your writing to look for common habits and themes. Aspects of your personality and aesthetic tastes will inevitably seep into your writing. 4) Review the work of writers whose styles or voices are similar to your own, or whom you admire. You'll pick up on their signature style/voice and how they consistently use it. As of late, Maureen Dowd of the NY Times has been my hero! lol.

I love polkadotwatch's idea of recording your voice and transcribing it. I'm going to try that.

As for female problems, oh lerdie, don't they just drive you nuts! My incompetent ignint doctor just told me I have a fibroid and a cyst. The dumb dora didn't suggest any treatment, and spend most of her time being concerned about my dating life and asked for my screen name so she could look me up on friendster. Then, she sent me to an even more ridiculous endocrinologist cus she thought I might have polycystic ovarian disease or Turner's Disease. Mr. Endocrinologist got on my last good nerve. Now, I'm currently researching reproductive endocrinologists because I really do need to follow up on some health issues. That whole travesty of an experience deserves a blog post. I feel inspiration comin' on!!! lol.

By the way, I LOVE your blog. You have now officially been added to my blogroll. lol.