Saturday, April 4, 2009

NaPoWriMo #4

feather gold

airbrushed memories
curly-edged photographs
polished stones
warm biscuits
aged hands held








I'm posting my drafts to readwritepoem and the PAD challenge. rwp prompt #4 asked participants to look at paint color names for inspiration. This is a very rough draft of a list poem.

10 comments:

Thinking Aloud said...

Hello Susan,

Happy birthday to your daughter.
enjoyed your list inspired by a paint color. I always thought that that would be such a cool job, naming paints or lipstick colors.

You inspired me to have a go at it,the poem not the career.

Serena said...

Poem looks good. Mine's finally up. I dunno what happened earlier.

the prisoner's wife said...

diggin the list poem. these are sometimes so hard to write. they are LISTS, but they can also mean so much more.

the MFAer in me wants to give you a helpful (IMO lol) crit. so i shall..on your edits, consider dropping "held" down a line, and perhaps switching it to "hold"/"holding" very nit-picky of me, but yeah. feel free to do the same on my poems (i actually like it when people do LOL).

btw: i'm still waiting for you to send me a poem. *smile* don't forget.

susan said...

Hi Wife, you don't have to tiptoe with feedback. I ask for it and I really do want it. If you know about the 30 day/30 poems, you know for some of us that means these drafts are pretty rough. Mine are anyway. Anything I write during the month worth revisiting will be revised. I think if Dickenson can revise a poem a 100 times, I can make an effort. Thanks. :-)

Amias said...

Now I see nothing wrong with this .. it's very creative, and speaks volumes ... maybe it's because I have a pair of "aged hands" ... but I so relate to this.

susan said...

Hi Amias, glad to hear you like it. I was thinking of my dad and my grandmother's hands. I have the same. We, three, are firstborns. The older I get the more I think about our connections.

I like what I see in this draft, but I think there is more to be said. I think too many novice writers fail to recognize that revision is necessary. Revising won't diminish the magic and with technology you can save every revision with ease. If anything is lost, you have a record of the evolution of the work. I think we need to be less afraid of losing something and more adventurous and willing to see what a thing can become.

Zetta Elliott said...

this poem's my favorite of yours so far...and now I totally want a biscuit!

rochambeau said...

Dear Blackeyed Susan,
I wanted to get in touch, but don't have and couldn't find your email.

Our mutual girlfriend is in the hospital. She is at Riverview in IC.
Please pray for her.

love,
Constance

susan said...

Hi rochambeau, who is our mutual friend? Please write me at black.eyedsusan(at)yahoo(dot)com.

susan said...

Sorry for my absence yesterday, all, wasn't feeling well. Will be updating today and making rounds to your blogs and commenting.