Sunday, April 19, 2009

NaPoWriMo #20

rebirth

she sat across from me, puffed up-
a breakout threatening to surface.

for me, our exchange was a pimple,
a reminder that I'd never have perfect skin

to her, I was poking at a boil that wasn't there;
she wasn't angry.

PAD prompt #20 is rebirth.

8 comments:

Liz at Yips and Howls said...

I like how you work with details of this metaphor to take a snapshot of a brief interaction. Very creative.

angie said...

wow--great descriptions! I feel like I'm watching this in a restaurant or something. And I love "puffed up-/a breakout threatening to surface."

Pam said...

What a painful little conversation. Love the metaphor of a pimple.

Tea said...

Great poetry! I can feel the tension.

the prisoner's wife said...

oh, i liked how this opened up. the the idea of the conversation surrounding the pimple...nice. my only critique is the ending. i know you are in the drafting phase...so i would reconsider the end. i would consider extending the ending because it ended very abruptly. or maybe i just liked it so much, i wanted it continue.

susan said...

Hey wife, critique is welcome. I'm flattered you find enough in my work to examine it. And I need the feedback. Gives me greater incentive to tinker. Thanks.

susan said...

Thank you all for taking time to read and comment.

Serena said...

I like the unique way you took this prompt on!