Confession Tuesday

It's Tuesday evening. Just me and my guy. It's quiet and for the first time in weeks, there's no clamoring, no noise or drama. DQ blew out here so quick on Saturday she caused a mini gale of her own. She's relaxing with the comforts of cable and her cousin's company at my sister's, and we are enjoying a little downtime of our own.

I received some lovely cards. Thank you all. My secret santa sent me a copy of Kinky Gazpacho by Lori L. Tharps, a book I have wanted for a while now. Thanks, SS. Once I sign off, I'm finishing up Beneath My Mother's Feet by Amjed Qama.

Christmas will be low-key for us and I think we, adults are looking forward to an uncomplicated, simple meal on Christmas Eve and on Christmas day, our teen will open gifts and promptly abandoned us for hours of texting and posting on Facebook.

I'm looking forward to reading, sleeping and a bit of blogging during my extended weekend. When I return to work, I'll be in my cubby and happy for a little space of my own.

I'm grateful for my health, my family, glad my children are older even though they are also as vocal and opinionated as their mother. I'm grateful for friends. We choose our friends and as I get older, my friends mean more to me because like family, we're all busy running households, growing older in love with partners and going through the trials of children approaching adulthood which means we don't get the chance to get together as often as we'd like.

Feeling pretty sentimental tonight. I am tired but not exhausted, content and happy with less activity this holiday season. Reminiscing more, glad for the memories and a feeling a little sad remembering those who are no longer here to celebrate. Our family gatherings are so much smaller now. Years ago I never thought about how much I would later value our large and loud get-togethers. I never considered our circle getting smaller. Of course intellectually I knew our holidays would change, but when you've always had the same kind of holiday from childhood to early adulthood, you don't think about how you'll feel when what you knew is no longer what you have.

I used to wish my children could have had the kind Christmases we had growing up but maybe they are really okay with what they know. Why did I think I had to replicate what we had to make them happy, to give them experiences they would lovingly remember? I realize now I wanted them to have what I had because what I had had made me happy.

I'm starting to ramble now and I have no desire to polish this. I want to finish my book, go to bed early, rise early, work a light day and spend one more evening alone with my guy. We aren't exchanging gifts this year and not shopping was a relief. Not shopping: I never thought I could enjoy Christmas without my once a year shopping frenzy and having a tree bottom full of presents. Maybe next year I'll want to resume my old tradition, but tonight my gift to me is a good book and a little bit of Christmas music to lull me off to sleep.

Wishing all of you a safe and blessed holiday season.