Thursday, December 20, 2007

draft

Here's my response to 3WW .

When I hear old 70s r&b tunes I remember those clumsy years:
my first bump and grind; nimble bodies trying to coalesce
but only getting twisted.

Oh we were on fire, but like accidental burnings we were everywhere,
raging out of control hormones consuming flesh
but we overlooked each other.

10 comments:

rwellsrwells said...

"accidental burnings..." overlooking each other... ain't that the truth.

TC said...

I really liked the line about how you overlooked one another... I think we've all done that!

UL said...

there is so much truth here,

'nimble bodies trying to coalesce' got me for sure...thank you for sharing.
UL

...deb said...

Those three words coalesced here, recreating anxious memories. Some terrific lines here (great punch in a short piece) but I particularly liked the interplay of the last two lines of each stanza with each other.

***

Thanks also for your thoughtful comments to my stoney moss posts. It's nice to meet you and I look forward to reading more of your work. Any future comments to my work is wholy appreciated.

pia said...

you defined lust. I loved it--and there was something about the 70's r&b, disco, rock--real rock not Hall & Oates for a too easy example-all sins were absolved but the real costs would be too high

Jodi Barone said...

"On fire......everywhere....raging...
consuming" and yet cooly "overlooking" the other...this captures so artfully the intimacy of the "clumsy years." Great poem. jodi barone

Linda said...

Even though I'm a decade too old to have been there, I feel as if I have been just from reading your few words! Love it!

mariacristina said...

An exploration of awakening sexuality- when youth is only aware of its own needs. I forgot their was a prompt - the poem flows so naturally.

...eatsbugs said...

You know, I think you just summed up adolescence.

RomanceWriter said...

Cool to see that you are doing Three Word Wednesday. I love that site. I do the prompts occasionally on my fiction site.

I thought this poem really rocketed me back to my youth. Great job at evoking that emotion.