Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Confession Tuesday

Hi all,

So I have a new job and despite trying to mentally prepare for it and trying to anticipate the changes to my routines, my transition still threw me for a loop. I work for the county now. I like the people I work with and I'm happy about the change.

No earth shattering confessions but here are a few. That first week, every night when I came home from work, I felt good about being at a new place;I also felt exhausted and overwhelmed by the information and changes to my daily routine. The last thing I wanted to do was blog or read anyone else's blog.

By the end of that week, I had gotten caught in a snowstorm. I ride the bus. It was two and half hours late. Cold and panicky (I kept stepping outside to look through the flurries for the bus that wasn't coming) when I saw the bus approaching in the miserable blizzard, I dashed out the restaurant where I had been and a took a serious fall. The following day, I was seven minutes late and my manager reminded me of the attendance policy. Then I lost my badge a few days later. I had a panic attack while trying to sleep one night and feared I was going to be fired, losing the job that I had applied for, had been waiting for for almost six months.

New week. My shoulder is better. I leave an additional hour earlier. I got my badge replaced and last night, one of my co-workers bought me dinner. I work with a good group of people. I'm still adjusting to a new schedule and learning my job but I'm feeling less anxious and beginning to relax, believing that I will do just fine.

I confess that even when I choose change, I want to deny how easily I can be overwhelmed by it; that I'm more emotional than rational- something I don't I want to admit to myself, and despite my successes and skills, I doubt myself more than I wish I did. Well, I also know my flaws and I've learned not freak out as long as I used to. Has anyone learned simply just not to go there?

I need to get ready for work shortly, but hope to hop around a bit. It will be in spurts but I need my blog time again. I've missed my friends here. Feels good to be back.

Happy reading & writing


Anonymous said...

i had a long chat with a friend today. one of my son's has already started staying he hates himself. it's horrible. and we're working with him. we're having quite a bit of success.

she had something to contribute to the conversations we have with him about it. she says to ask, "are you 'for' yourself? or 'against' yourself?"

i'm going to try to carry that with me, too. it seems relevant to what you're saying about "not going there."

congrats on surviving the transition. as one with great anxiety, i admire you.

...deb said...

I'm glad to hear from you and hope things settle into routine as quickly as possible.

No. I haven't learned to "just not go there"...I have learned how to manage the "I just went there, didn't I?" thing. But by then, even if straddling the threshold, I am already there, managing, coping.

I am managing better than I used to. But I still get into the thing; there is no avoidance. I don't think there is anyway. Just management.

I hate change. I wish I didn't. I wish I truly embraced it. But I don't.

Congrats on the new job...and I hope you get back to blogging more, soon. I've missed your voice, even though it is new to me.

Christine said...

Change is hard, especially job changes. You had a tough week, with the blizzard, the late bus, the fall. Those are things out of your control, which can produce panic.

How do we not go there? It happens, but it sounds like you let it pass through you, and you're on the other side.

I'm glad your co-workers are nice to you. That helps! It's hard being new, having to prove yourself, learn the politics of the office...

When I get anxious or even panicky, which unfortunately is part of my life, I go for a swim or I meditate, practice yoga, all those things. But basically, I just ride it out.

You have friends rotting for you!

Christine said...

How dumb- I meant to say "rooting for you"

I'm laughing at the rotting...I'm glad I could at least let you know it was a mistake! :P

January said...

Congrats on the new job. What a week you've had. But the weekend is here. Time to relax and regroup.

Goodnight, Mom said...


I was just checking out your site and had missed your last week's confessions. Let me just say, you KNOW I know what you are going through with the new job. I have been feeling the same thing. I'm in the fourth week of my new job and I'm finally coming around just a bit. Hope you are well.