Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Confession Tuesday

I am a self-diagnosed manic. There are some dark days, but having friends who are truly afflicted with depression, I won't say I suffer this malady. I'd like to say I'm bi-polar. By my strange way of thinking it would be so much easier if I could claim an official disorder to explain my behavior, my life. I experience intense episodes of activity- regularly. The focus of my mania varies among my serious passions but I also suffer weeks of what might be called obsessions- on-a-whim.

I think last week I confessed to binging on blog hopping (happy to report it's ebbing so I can get on with my next obsession of the week). And when you binge it really doesn't matter if it's pints of sticky toffee pudding or Internet surfing. I'm clearly aware of my dysfunctional behavior so why don't I stop? The truth is: I'm tired of trying, a lot of the time I'm really OK with it even though it inevitably means things I should be doing go undone, because after enough therapy and 12 stepping, I've come to conclusion that I don't want to fix everything. Life is short and for the most part, I like me. In fact, the older I become the more I love me. This is a good thing.

Every week, a group of artist folk spill our guts. Our original aim was that in doing so, we'd have some fodder to feed our passion for writing. I don't know if we've accomplished this, but I enjoy connecting with my sister artists. You can join us here.

6 comments:

missinpiece said...

Susan, you seem to channel your bursts of energy/mania into very positive and productive activity, so don't be too hard on yourself! I'm really enjoying your blog... so much great content. Whenever I'm looking for something new to read, I'm just going to drop in here...

susan said...

Thank you, Miss, can I share this with my spouse and kids? lol. I'm lucky they love and therefore put up with me.

Zetta Elliott said...

I think self-awareness is sometimes just as powerful as "the cure" we think we need. I think of my own anxiety or depression issues as dis/ease, and so I aim to live comfortably (when possible) WITH my various conditions, instead of trying to avoid or escape them. It's about balance, and you seem to achieve that with the help of friends and your activism, which is tremendous. It's possible that the point of dysfunction is to teach us humility and self-acceptance--and compassion for others...

Thinking Aloud said...

I too am self diagnosed. My girl friend says that if I actually got tested I would find I that I actually suffer with the condition. But for now I rather claim it from afar.
My issue is that I am a neat freak;an OCD'er under cover. I can't pass a room without making sure everything is in its place. I mean: counters clear, curtains creased, pillows fluffed,lights on to create a glow,picture frames straight no angles;I am HGTV.
I even considered buying a new refrigerator because at 3:15 when the sun shines through the kitchen windows I can see a scratch on the stain-less steel.

I am only self diagnosed.

Lenore said...

I tend to get obsessed with certain internet activities too. I've been active in a travel community, music community, writing community and now it is books, books, books!

odessa said...

hi susan,
i too am guilty of such obsessions. in fact right now i am obsessing on finding the right pair of boots. it doesn't matter that its already spring and i won't use them for months, i just want to find the perfect boots.

i often fight these obsessions but i realize that the harder i fight, the more disorganized i get. so yeah, i'm with you on this.

p.s. did i ever tell you that i love your confessions?