It’s Tuesday. So what do I confess today? Anyone interested in talking about body image? I’ve been working out with a trainer for a month now. I’m feeling better and I’ve lost a few pounds. Still, when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror in passing (no, I don’t like taking in full, honest looks) this morning, I didn’t like what I saw. Now I could complain about hating the extra weight, wrong shape and so on, but when I stopped and thought about it, I remembered I’ve never been happy with my body. Okay, I did feel pretty powerful, sexy and bold when I was bodybuilding but even then, I couldn’t get to my ideal weight.
You all know where this is going. There is no great revelation here, like most women, I suffer from what girls have suffered since before grade school: ideas of perfect images of feminine beauty and the ill-fitting reality of what our bodies really look like.
Despite growing up no-frills, so not the girly girl who liked dressing up and parading around girlfriends and boys alike, I am plagued by a lousy body image. I’m approaching the mid-century mark and deep inside, I still fantasize about having that body that will finally look just right.
Don’t worry despite the decades of criticism both self-inflicted and otherwise I’m not completely neurotic. Not a confession, more like a desperate wish, I’d like stop waiting for that day I’d have that body.
I hope no one feels depressed behind this, because despite the fantasy and the current baggage, I have had some good days. Over the years, I have grown to celebrate the body I have (fantastic time competing as a bodybuilder and teaching aerobics and at night, sporting killer fishnets and leopard print).
I’m an optimist. I’m pretty sure before I hit the grand mid-century mark, I’m going enjoy looking in the mirror for more than a nano-second.
How about you? Do you love your body?