Saturday, September 4, 2010

Ushering In A New Season

Every kid loves summer vacation but growing up I was also excited about returning to school. Back then I wouldn't haven't articulated it the same way, but I know now that school provided a kind of haven for me, a place where I could imagine and excel. School meant being with friends and supported by adults who cared about me.

I see fall as a beginning, a time of year when things are both exciting and familiar. Now that I'm older, fall means slowing down and enjoying the changes in season. I'm more aware and appreciative of the passage of time. In the fall I'm keenly aware of when the sun rises and falls. I feel the change in temperature in my bones. I anticipate the comfort foods I love this time of year and there's a bit of anxiety and anticipation concerning the holidays.

The fall is a time of slowing down and things dying but for me there are new stirrings. In the fall I take stock of how the year has gone. I contemplate if I feel stronger and better about what I did that year. This year I'm at the midway mark of my weight loss goal and there are some areas I'm frankly failing at. In terms of my weight, the biggie is tracking. I suck eggs at it. I'm comfortable with what I'm eating but if I want to continue to lose I'm going to have to track and plan. Organization and structure might as well be aliens from another planet in my world. The likelihood of me meeting ex terrestrials are higher than me successfully planning and journaling daily.

My goal this season is to learn to be methodical and organized and I'm not feeling confident at all. I'm a lot of things but no one has ever said organizational skills and goal-setting were among my strengths. I am more confident and excited about adding new classes and routines to my workouts. Simplifying. De-cluttering my life. I don't want to stall but slow down and enjoy what really matters: plugging in to places and with folks I love, enjoying a good cup of coffee, meditating and laughing more with the kidlet.

School starts Tuesday so I'll be returning, too. I still worry that I'm losing the battle when it comes to imparting to her a love of reading and learning; she'd rather go to the mall. ((sigh)) but I think we're finding a groove at home and it will be a better school year. This fall I want to find a way to balance guiding my daughter through the school year while meeting my own personal health goals and enjoying early evenings curled up on the couch reading a good book.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Confession Tuesday

Ah, confession time. It's fall and I'm looking forward to new beginnings. That's not my confession; my confession is that I've realized it takes me a lot longer to accept change and to adapt despite my belief that I am open-minded and flexible. Clearly I'm not as much of either as I thought. I've been angry and sad for awhile because of some very difficult changes in my life this year. I became so fixated on what I no longer had and what I could no longer do that I failed to put my energy into what I could do and on what I do have. Well, I've finally got off the pity pot. I was seriously at risk for getting sores from sitting so long.

As some of you know, despite my lack, I was light when it came to pounds and the extra weight was increasing my risk for my family history of diabetes, high blood pressure and heart disease. I've lost twenty pounds. Yay, me. However, the reality is I have twenty more to go. At the moment all I'm losing is stamina not so much that I'm no longer watching what I eat, but I've hit a plateau. I don't have the same enthusiasm. Frankly, I don't want to plan my meals and count points (Weight Watchers system instead of counting calories) but I have too if I want my weight loss to continue a downward spiral. The upside is I now have a wardrobe I can actually wear instead of just staring at.

Lastly, staring at my slimmer, naked self in the mirror this morning, I conceded my boobs are heading south. I felt a tinge of guilt and regret. I'm the only woman in my family who actually has a sizable pair and I failed to harness and care for my girls. I was alternately too lazy or too cheap to get fitted for a good bra. I wonder if I have time to slow down the descent.

Monday, August 30, 2010

It's Monday, What Are You Reading?

Each week readers share what they are reading for the week. I've been in a reading drought so I am anxious to learn what's new and what I should add to my tbr for the fall. If you have recommendations, please share them with me at Color Online. I'm building a list.

Currently, I'm reading The Space Between Us by Thrity Umrigar. I'd really like to know if anyone has read this and The Help and tell me how they feel about the works. Are they comparable? I love the writing and the relationship between the women is complex and troubling for me.

I also discovered that I have a copy of Seeds of Change by Wangari Maathai, a book I wanted but was out of stock. The publisher sent me a copy. Review very soon.

What have you read this week? You can find more WAYR entries at One Person's Journey hosted by Sheila.