Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Confession Tuesday

It's Wednesday and again this is late. It's late because I felt too depressed and uneasy about writing about how I'm feeling. Then I found inspiration. So for my first mini confession, I confess that more often than not I need to read others first for inspiration.

Now what's bothering me and a sad confession. I have a problem with the glorification of ghetto mannerisms. There is huge difference between urban and ghetto. Just as there is nothing noble about being poor, there is nothing cute or admirable about showing your ass which is my overarching description and literal issue with ghetto in this episode.

I'm depressed because my local high school has a segregated cheerleading squad in a community that boasts diversity in the twenty-first century, a team that is segregated because the black teens are the ones who do everything possible not to function as a team. What depresses me is that the black cheerleaders not only took ghetto, sexualized, stereotypical poses and posted them to Facebook after a game, a game which they had been told beforehand not to wear their uniforms ("The coach said not to school not the game.") but even worse after lectures in at least two homes (I'm assuming one other home because said photos were taken down) including mine, I have a teen who thinks a) I don't like black people and that extends to not loving her and b) said teen doesn't understand how their behavior reflects poorly on her.

Confession: I'm depressed not only about the incident but what it says about me. I feel like I've failed. Clearly I have not been involved enough. I'm a pitiful parent and a fraud. Here I am Ms. multicultural and I'm raising a child who isn't interested in reading, diversity, inclusion, standard English and I swear it feels like she's not interested in any of the values and ideas I desperately want her to embrace.

And I am distant. I do struggle with parenting and my dirty laundry is hanging on the line. Bottom line I do judge my parenting by how my children behave and how they are perceived. When they do well, I love the praise and when they mess up, I feel responsible. And some of the responsibility does fall on me. So I'm depressed. My ass is showing and its too big and there's nothing cute about it being splayed on Facebook.


rhapsodyinbooks said...

You are not a failure!!!! - from what I've seen, kids try to bend 180 degrees while they're growing up, and then when they do grow up, all of the sudden they bend all the way back again and become miniature versions of you (although they would never admit it) without even knowing it! She'll bend back, just you wait! Keep the faith, keep trying - it WILL pay off!!!!!!


Zetta said...

she's your daughter, not your're not a failure and neither is she. We learn by making mistakes, and with time, she'll appreciate your point of view. Parenting is hard; you're trying to do right by your daughter, but cut yourself some slack. You're not the ONLY influence in her life...but home training sticks. It might not show all the time, but it's there...

Anonymous said...

I co-sign everything Zetta and Rhapsody said. My brother and I are two distinct individuals from the same household led by the most prissy and conservative southern mom ever. He went one way and I went another, neither of which thrilled my mom. My path has been similar to yours and my brother's was toward being ghetto. Everyone has to carve their own path, but most do come full circle to "home training".

And this is why I homeschool. I always have to throw that in there. :)

You're an awesome mom. That you bothered to post this clearly says so. As long as you care, she won't stray too far.

Jessie Carty said...

I have to second and third all the comments here. Kids can be given advice but ultimately they are still people with their own little minds!

Appreciate your honesty.

susan said...

Thanks all,

Well I don't want a clone. Believe, I gave my parents grief, too.

Appreciate the support.

Jodie said...

It sounds like she is in with a group of 'this is how you have to be to be x' kind of people who probably get their attitude from other, older 'this is how you have to be to be x' people. Big social pressure there that's hard to combat. You're working to expand people's minds about the many different things that go into being black, asian, latino... and in doing so you're fighting the prevalent views that your daughter is being boxed in by.

sanjeet said...

. Kids can be given advice but ultimately they are still people with their own little minds!

Work from home India

Ali said...

Argh, blogger lost my long comment.

I hope things are looking up a bit now that a few days have passed and the shock has worn off!