It's Wednesday and again this is late. It's late because I felt too depressed and uneasy about writing about how I'm feeling. Then I found inspiration. So for my first mini confession, I confess that more often than not I need to read others first for inspiration.
Now what's bothering me and a sad confession. I have a problem with the glorification of ghetto mannerisms. There is huge difference between urban and ghetto. Just as there is nothing noble about being poor, there is nothing cute or admirable about showing your ass which is my overarching description and literal issue with ghetto in this episode.
I'm depressed because my local high school has a segregated cheerleading squad in a community that boasts diversity in the twenty-first century, a team that is segregated because the black teens are the ones who do everything possible not to function as a team. What depresses me is that the black cheerleaders not only took ghetto, sexualized, stereotypical poses and posted them to Facebook after a game, a game which they had been told beforehand not to wear their uniforms ("The coach said not to school not the game.") but even worse after lectures in at least two homes (I'm assuming one other home because said photos were taken down) including mine, I have a teen who thinks a) I don't like black people and that extends to not loving her and b) said teen doesn't understand how their behavior reflects poorly on her.
Confession: I'm depressed not only about the incident but what it says about me. I feel like I've failed. Clearly I have not been involved enough. I'm a pitiful parent and a fraud. Here I am Ms. multicultural and I'm raising a child who isn't interested in reading, diversity, inclusion, standard English and I swear it feels like she's not interested in any of the values and ideas I desperately want her to embrace.
And I am distant. I do struggle with parenting and my dirty laundry is hanging on the line. Bottom line I do judge my parenting by how my children behave and how they are perceived. When they do well, I love the praise and when they mess up, I feel responsible. And some of the responsibility does fall on me. So I'm depressed. My ass is showing and its too big and there's nothing cute about it being splayed on Facebook.